Where real moms tell it like it is.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Single Mama Drama

As a little girl, I always imagined how my life would be. I would travel the world, fall in love, get married, then have beautiful children….well, things don’t always work out the way we imagine.

With my daughter, now 11, the marriage part came second. Divorce quickly followed. I learned I was pregnant with my second child during a time in my life that was consumed with immaturity and bad decisions. I credit my son, now six, with saving my life.

I worked with my son’s father, and so when I learned I was pregnant, I quickly quit my job and disappeared in order to attempt to get my life back together. Once my son was born, the “sperm donor” and I made financial arrangements and he told me that he thought it would be best if he weren’t around.

Fast forward almost two years later…I get served with paperwork. The “sperm donor” wants to be a FATHER!!! He wants visitation and we have to go to court. After a very emotional conversation with my son’s father, I made it clear that unless he was sincere in his intentions that it would best if he would just leave us alone. I told him that if this was an attempt to lower child support, that I would gladly waive this support if it meant not breaking my son’s heart. He assured me that he was sincere and that he just wanted to get to know his now 2-year-old son.

We worked out visitation so that everyone was happy. Needless to say, his visits became more and more sporadic and were shorter and shorter. My son last saw his father on his third birthday. My son will be seven in February.

Now I’m left with wondering what the right thing to do is. I can’t make my son’s father love him. At the same time, I don’t understand why he doesn’t. Everyone who comes across my son, strangers and family alike, are all touched by my son in one way or another…and yet, the man that’s biologically connected isn’t. It breaks my heart, because my son would have been just fine had he never met the “sperm donor”.

So, what to do? My son questions why his father doesn’t call. My son questions why his father doesn’t visit. He wonders if he has done something wrong.

Now, I have all these questions….Do I take the “sperm donor” back to court to revise the visitation and support order?? Do I call him and ask what the hell is wrong with him?? Do I leave things as is?? Do I tell my son the truth and hope he understands?? Am I putting myself in danger for my son resenting me when he is older??

Being a mother is a constant heartbreak…

Published by: Gloria


At Monday, November 07, 2005 1:01:00 PM, Blogger Amy said...

Wow, Gloria. I can see how a post like this would generate a lot of comments and advice. We should re-run it when we officially launch Kudos to you for keeping your family together -- and maintaining your sanity -- too! Does your son get to hang out with tios or other male figures?

I am obsessed with Ari getting enough "male attention" since he spends so much time with me and other women. That's a sore spot with me and Markos who complains about me nagging him.

At Monday, November 07, 2005 2:50:00 PM, Blogger Erika said...

Man. Talk about a hopeless dilemma.

All you can do is love your boy. Love him with every fiber of your being, as you already do, and in the end, he'll turn out fine. It may not always be an easy road, but some day he will realize all you ever did was try to do right by him.

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