MotherTalkers

Where real moms tell it like it is.

Friday, November 11, 2005

The Nanny Dilemma

Is it fair to hire immigrant women to help raise your children when they have children of their own?

This L.A. Times story inspired very mixed feelings for me. It details the relationship between an affluent white woman and her Salvadoran nanny, and the very different lives they lead.

Margoth Enriquez helps Stacey Arnold, a stay-at-home mom to four small children, until 6 p.m. five days per week.

Then she boards a bus to the other side of town, where her 3-year-old daughter and two teenage sons anxiously await her arrival.

Similar scenes play out throughout Los Angeles County every day. Immigrant women leave their children at home — with siblings, relatives or bargain baby-sitters — so they can earn a living caring for other people's children...

Inevitably, immigrants feel the pull between their employer's children and their own families. Every day, they take their employer's children to play dates and the park, often unable to do the same with their own. They pick up their employer's children from school while theirs take buses.

Often, the only baby-sitters they can afford are untrained or unreliable.

"The immigrants are paying each other," said Arizona State University professor Mary Romero, author of "Maid in the U.S.A." "Somebody has to take care of the children. It's the nanny or the maid's child who gets the short end of the stick."


I couldn't help but think of my beloved, late Abuelita Concha, who left her five children in Mexico after their father died so she could come to the U.S. and make enough money to support them. She worked as a nanny in a swanky beachside community, eking out enough of a living to send for her children one by one.

After her death, I found pictures of the children she cared for among her belongings, along with letters and cards they sent her long after she stopped working for them. Clearly, she made an impact on their lives.

In the Times story, Stacey Arnold makes it clear she appreciates her nanny, pays her fairly and even considers her a "co-parent."

Without Margoth, Stacey says, "I probably wouldn't be as good of a parent…. I'd be pulled in so many different directions."

Having Margoth "allows me to have some freedom to do some things for myself, which in turn, I think, makes me a better parent because I come back refreshed."


As a full-time working mom, I completely understand where Stacey is coming from. Parenthood can be exhausting, and leaves you very little time for yourself. If you can afford help, that's a blessing.

But I also feel for Margoth, who will likely never have that luxury.

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At Friday, November 11, 2005 2:37:00 PM, Blogger Elisa said...

When I read stories like this particular L.A. Times one, I think, "What is the story here?" I really feel like it's meant to build resentment towards people who hire nannies.

This sounds harsh, but like any American who lacks the education, language and job skills to do better, Margoth must take care of children to survive in this country. What would the alternatives be for her if she didnt' have Stacey? Long hours at WalMart? That is what my mother did for a living for some time when she did not have kids to babysit. Long hours, plus commute, to a mill like my father? Both of my parents are immigrants. Like Margoth they had to work their asses off to give me and my siblings a shot in this country. Now because of their sacrifices I can afford to stay home with my son and hire a nanny, who like Margoth, is a Latin American immigrant I consider family.

I do, however, let my nanny bring her kids when they are out of school. Or, she takes my son to her daughter's class events -- like a recent Halloween party -- so that she is involved in her children's lives. I do care about their safety and well-being and would never let her work so many hours that she couldn't spend adequate time with them.

Both sides need to be considerate and respectful of one another for the relationship to work. But, seriously, I think taking care of children is a better job than working at some corporation that offers no flexibility whatsoever.

 
At Friday, November 11, 2005 5:57:00 PM, Blogger Erika said...

While this one was heavy on the guilt factor, I like stories like these and find them newsworthy.

To me, that's one of the great things about journalism: it can tell individual stories that you wouldn't otherwise hear. It was interesting to me to learn about a day in the life of a nanny. Too often, our society treats service workers as anonymous cogs, when in reality they provide a crucial service for not much money. Yes, Margoth is an immigrant who doesn't have the language skills and education necessary for a better job, but her dreams are the same as ours: to raise healthy, successful children with as much love and attention as possible.

And While Stacey respects Margoth and treats her well, I would venture to guess that's not always the case with nannies out there.

Maybe it's my liberal guilt talking, but reading this just made me grateful for all the sacrifices my grandparents and parents made so I could have choices in life.

 
At Friday, November 11, 2005 9:27:00 PM, Blogger Elisa said...

I agree this is an excellent story to post and it most definitely makes me appreciate my parents' struggle to open doors. (We should repost for relaunch.) But it was recently done in Atlantic Monthly and other places and it is always written in the way of "psycho white woman abuses her brown nanny." Amy and I discussed it because a certain Atlantic Monthly reporter questioned whether women who hire nannies -- to pursue "careers" themselves -- are really feminists. It was written in a way that implied only rich white and educated women hire nannies and trample the opportunities of their indentured servants, when in reality, it is mainly working class women -- with no family nearby to help them or money for daycare -- who do.

Yes, there probably are women who are abusive and inconsiderate of their nannies' time. I, personally, would never ask my nanny to watch my son in the evening to take time away from her family. But our nanny also owns a home -- which we don't -- and has family nearby to help her with her own children. (Again, we don't have that luxury.) The same goes for Amy. So the scenerio of wealthy white women being the only ones to hire nannies isn't completely true, yet, that is the emphasis placed in these stories.

 
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At Saturday, November 12, 2011 1:07:00 AM, Blogger Admin said...

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The etymology of the tribal name itself is disputed by scholars; it has been suggested that it derives from the shape of the Angeln peninsula, an angular shape.[19] How and why a term derived from the name of a tribe that was less significant than others, such as the Saxons, came to be used for the entire country and its people is not known, but it seems this is related to the custom of calling the Germanic people in Britain Angli Saxones or English Saxons.[20] It may be worth noting that in Scottish Gaelic, another language which developed on the island of Great Britain, it was the dominant Saxon tribe who gave their name to the word for 'England' ("Sasunn").
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At Saturday, August 31, 2013 6:57:00 AM, Blogger Sreerag said...

Dear Webmaster,

We received a notice from Google stating that they have levied a penalty on our website as they "detected unnatural links" redirecting to our website holidayiq.com.

The only way we can remove this penalty and help Google reconsider putting our website back in their index is by removing these links and we need your help for the same. We request you to consider this request on high priority.

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We would again like to bring your notice that failure to remove these links would require us to file a "Disavow Links" report with Google. Once we submit this report to Google, they may "flag" your site as "spammy" or otherwise if anything is not in compliance with their guidelines. The last thing we want is to have another webmaster go through this grief!

Your cooperation in this process would be deeply appreciated. We kindly request you to send us an acknowledgement of this mail along with a confirmation that these links have been removed.
Thanks a lot for your help.

If you want to reach out to us mail us on pradeep@holidayiq.com
Regards,
Webmaster
holidayiq.com

Regards
Pradeep Ayyagari
Ph: +91-8197849852

 

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